Holiday Suggestions for the Bereaved

by Mary Hesdorffer, Nurse Practitioner
Executive Director, Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation

Learn more about supporting those affected by mesothelioma.Having suffered a profound loss can make the holidays appear to be the most dreaded time of year. How do you cope when others around you are caught up in the giddiness of the holidays and you find yourselves perhaps a little resentful of their good cheer? I think a basic principle is that to give is to receive. Perhaps you can volunteer for an organization that has an event during the holidays. This provides you with a ready excuse to reject invitations to events that you are not ready to attend this year and an opportunity to focus on the suffering of others rather than yourself. It is not uncommon to meet others who volunteer during the holidays who also have suffered a loss. It may prove to be fertile ground to establish new friendships in addition to igniting a passion to help others less fortunate than you.

If you do wish to participate in some of the holiday gatherings, establish that you intend to “drop by.” This will provide you with the comfort of knowing that you can leave at any time if it doesn’t feel right or if you begin to feel overwhelmed without having to offer excuses. Mix it up a bit – perhaps stop by a few events, which will keep you moving and interacting on a less focused conversation. The first is always the roughest. Perhaps you have a friend who also suffered a loss who would be willing to be your “partner” at these gatherings. You can cover both families and friends, and brining an unfamiliar guest with you will distract the conversation from your loss to a more superficial meet and greet, which is perhaps all you can handle this holiday.

Maybe the best plan of all is an escape. A friend or family member might be a willing partner to travel with to explore an unfamiliar region of the country or perhaps new customs and celebrations in a foreign country. You can be selfish this holiday, and most will understand and give you the space and time needed to heal from your loss.

I just finished reading “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion, and I found it very helpful in understanding the first year. Though many in the community have shared their loss and grief with me, this book presented a very clear insight into the loss and the effect on those left behind. You may read it, or perhaps gift it to someone who wonders what is “wrong with you.” Grief is real; it can be measured by many physical manifestations. The healing process varies from individual to individual with no time frame or expectation to return to the person you once were. It is a time of sadness, personal growth, and emergence and reflection on what was lost, but also a hope that the future is still yours to enjoy.

Those affected by mesothelioma can benefit from support year round. Learn more about how you can get involved.

The Meso Foundation’s Volunteers of the Year Award Recipients: Erica Iacono and Janice Malkotsis

At the Meso Foundation’s annual symposium — this year, happening July 12-13 at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington, DC — individuals are bestowed honors for superlative service to the community, ranging from volunteer efforts to advancement in research. The Volunteer of the Year award honors an individual who has given both time and resources to advance the mission of the Meso Foundation. Recipients of this achievement have taken it upon themselves to make sure that mesothelioma, its devastating effects, and the pressing necessity of ongoing research continues to be brought to the forefront of the world in order to effect change. This year, the Meso Foundation is thrilled to bestow this honor to Erica Iacono and Janice Malkotsis. Erica and Janice have over the past seven years been organizing a run/walk in the New York area, raising over $100,000 for mesothelioma. They are huge advocates for mesothelioma awareness and research, and continue to assist the Meso Foundation in getting the word out there about this disease.

Erica Iacono took a moment to chat with us at the Meso Foundation about how she and Janice began their collaboration to raise awareness. “We actually met through the Meso Foundation. My dad passed away in 2000 from mesothelioma, and I eventually got in touch with the Foundation, wanting to volunteer, raise awareness; but at the time, the Meso Foundation was a brand new organization so the volunteer network was limited. Continue reading “The Meso Foundation’s Volunteers of the Year Award Recipients: Erica Iacono and Janice Malkotsis” »